Dear ADHD,

I know that we are not the best of friends.

I wanted to let you know that I am starting to finally understand you.  I understand that when I get home from work and Nick is still down in our office, typing away – it is because you are helping him create those big dreams.

I understand that as he types away and asks me a question like, “how was your day?” I should not answer it.  Now I don’t, and I no longer get upset about it.  You and I both know I used to get frustrated and think to myself “wow, he doesn’t care.”  I know that it is just you, raising his anxiety that he has to get the last of the 200 some daily emails out first.

I also know that you want him to talk to me.  We have a sort of an agreement now that if I recognize you are taking over, I say it and Nick is able to reign you back in.  I understand your value in his life, and much to my chagrin, our relationship.

When I finally see his blue eyes stare at me and he cracks a little smile and says, “What did you ask?,” I know that I was on his mind and that he can’t help but to get excited about work stuff.  Future stuff.  Our future stuff.  And I know that I owe that to you, ADHD.

Let’s address the elephant in the room though.

Let’s address what I can’t stand about you and get it out of the way.

I can’t stand when you make my husband leave the trashcan empty without a bag and have him remember to put his shoes away instead.  I hate when you make Nick empty the bottom rack and the silverware from the dishwasher but not the top rack because a text came through.  I hate when you get my husband so absorbed in a thought process that he cannot stop and help me with the dog.  I hate when you let my husband forget to tell me he is going to be late because something big happened at work and the group went and grabbed beers.

I hate when you steal him away from me in any form.

Emails, texts, phone calls, memories, whatever the case is, it can all wait because I love having his attention, even if I know it will be brief.  I hate sometimes when you make him make friends everywhere we go, and when you make him always feel like he has to have something to do.  We both know he needs to relax sometimes.

Now, why I am learning to like you.

You have taught me how to create boundaries in our relationship.

You taught me to wait until I have his eyes, to wait until he tells me, “hold on one sec babe, let me finish typing this.”  You taught me that you are all encompassing and you don’t discriminate with certain tasks.  You taught me that I have to work hard to get him to relax at night, even though you both pretend to hate it.  I know it’s best for you.  You have showed me risk and what it means to put it all out on the line for what you are passionate about, even though you seem to be passionate about 1,001 things.

Living with you has not been easy, but you are just a piece of the wonderful person I get to call my husband.

I married all of him, so I married you too.

I know I have to be patient, and trust me, I give you all of my patience.  I promise to continue to put the trash bag in the bin, to empty the top level of the dishwasher, to wash the one pot left in the sink after all the others were done, to pick up the lonely pile of laundry sitting on the bed, to wait until his blue eyes meet mine as long as you promise to grow too.  I hope that you learn your powers and can harness them in so I can get relaxed Nick more often.

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I hope you can learn that I have weaknesses too and I need patience as well sometimes.

I hope you can learn that both me and Nick need sleep and that it’s okay to need sleep and rest.  I hope you can learn that I am not as good at making friends as you and that I get my energy from being alone.  I hope that you can learn that planning, writing things down, following the steps will create a beautiful outcome even though you may be freaking out in Nick’s head.

Let me help you learn just as you have helped me.


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